Confessions
by ShadowedDarkness
Summary: No one cared. No one ever cared. I was worthless. Used. I was made to be used. An item. Something to relieve oneself, to inflict damage upon when angered. Something you found on the floor. Dirty. That’s what I was...
1. Its sad when no one cares

**ShadowedDarkness**: okeday...this is like a really old story of mine, and I just want to know what people think of it. Its way different then how I usually portray the people's characters, but bear with me here people.

**Sora**: yeah, and if you aren't already...read memory! (giggles and goes off to other story)

**ShadowedDarkness**: guess that leaves me to do the thingy-ma-bob. I dunno who owns kingdom hearts 'cause I never pay attention to those type things, but it sure as hell ain't me. (grin) so there. ENJOY!

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**Confessions**

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No one cared. No one ever cared. I was worthless, used. I was made to be used, an item. Something to relieve oneself, to inflict damage upon when angered. Something you found on the floor. Dirty. That's what I was. I was dirty. I **_am_** dirty. No… I wasn't dirty. Dirty things can still have feelings, hopes, dreams. No, I was worse than dirty, I was… 

…nothing…

The only person that noticed me was 'him', the one I didn't want looking at me, the one I didn't want touching me, the one I didn't want to hurt me…but he did. He always hurt me in the end. The one I had loved the most, needed the most…hurt me.

And I felt it again and again, the pain and the bliss. I had cried out for more, in pain, in pleasure. And he had complied, hurting me more, letting me have what I wanted. Pushing harder, faster. Fingers lacing into the sheets, eyes lolling in the back of the head as he hit _that_ spot over and over and over again. Flashes of color dancing across my eyes. Screaming in pleasure, screaming in pain.

But that's not what I wanted. **_NO!_** _No…n_o… I didn't want this. Why would I want this from _him_? He killed her… _HE KILLED HER DAMNIT_! He killed her because…because…she protected me…_ HA!_ Protected me? Protected me from what? I bet you she had probably just been thinking of herself. She saw an escape route from the life she lived and she took it. Why give her son the pleasure of disappearing into nonexistence? Why indeed…

Now that she was gone…it was worse. That empty feeling, that deep gaping hole inside me that ached and throbbed. Oh _gods _it was so much _worse_.

They never loved me, neither of them. She hit me. She abused me…but…she was still my mother. It still hurt that she was gone. The person that gave me life…

Wait, what life? This hell hole was supposed to be _life_? So much murder, rape, pain… **_hate_**. Especially the hate…

They never loved me, neither of them. He kissed me. He raped me…but…he was still my father. It still hurt that…that…that…

I could feel the stinging sensation as I held back tears, watching as he pulled away from me, a very satisfied and sated smile drifting across his face. A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. "I know you enjoyed that." I gave out a cross between a squeak and a groan as he leaned in to kiss me as he squeezed my crotch, playing with my painful erection. I felt disgusted. He stroked me _there_ lightly, earning a small shiver to run through my body. Traitorous thing…

He shouldn't do this. He _really_ shouldn't do this. I was his son. _I was his **son**._

He began to rub the head in a circular motion, traveling up it using the same motion, and earning mewls and moans to pass my lips. Deep and load moans… I hated this. Gods know I hated this…

I remember when things were normal. She was still alive and he didn't have a crazed obsession. When things were normal, when we were happy, when he had a job… when she was alive… When she was alive…

Suddenly he took it in his mouth and began to suck lightly. My back arched, thrusting myself into him…

No. But she was gone and I was barely here. She escaped this hell hole probably laughing. No, not laughing, crying. Crying for she finally knew how much she hurt me. How much it hurt on the inside. How much it hurt physically. But most importantly, how much it hurt on the inside…

He began to suck faster. I moaned louder. Oh_ fuck_...

Suddenly that feeling came, that feeling of incredible bliss. I let out a cry as he finally pushed me, as he finally pushed me through the roof, over the rainbow, and then sky rocketing back down to earth. Plummeting straight back into this shitty hell.

His face was the only thing I could make out through the haze. He smirked. "I know you liked that Kitten." He disappeared from view as he trailed kisses from my lower abdomen up to my neck. I moaned softly.

Kitten, he always called me Kitten… _why?_

He pushed away as I looked at him through hazed filled eyes. "We'll pick this up some other time Kitten." I shifted my gaze to the ceiling above me. "I won't be home till midnight. Be good Kitten." Since when did he care?

As soon as he shut the door, I let the tears fall.

He called me Kitten…

Crystal droplets slid silently down my face.

Nothing…

They fell faster. Sobs and cry's of anguish escaped my lips, gods it hurt so_ much_! Physically and emotionally, oh gods…

When she was alive…

No one cared. No one ever cared. I was worthless, used. I was made to be used, an item. Something to relieve oneself, to inflict damage upon when angered. Something you found on the floor. Dirty. That's what I was. I was dirty. I **_am_** dirty. No… I wasn't dirty. Dirty things can still have feelings, hopes, **_dreams_**. No, I was worse than dirty, I was…

…nothing…

…nothing at all…

(two years later)

Pressure was added to the small of my back to make me move forward through the massive crowd of moving bodies. Music, dancing, drinking…these people made me sick not that I'm one to talk, I make myself sick.

I hate crowded places. They always make me feel so…trapped. Not that it really mattered how it made me feel, I am trapped. I always have been trapped, trapped in a body of a goddamned fucking slut. I was dressed like one. I wore a black shirt that hung loosely around my torso, my one shoulder falling out of it completely to show some skin, tight black leather pants, and to add to it….a leather collar…which happened to have a chain attached to it, like I was some kind of dog.

I was pushed roughly forward by the constantly shifting mass of bodies, and I slammed into the bar. Wincing I lifted myself onto one of the bar stools. I would wait, like always. My job? My job was to sit and wait, wait until a man or a woman (it was most usually a man) was directed my way by _him_. I'd wait until one would come to use me in what ever way they wished, pay him, and walk away without even a second glance. Why would they give me a second glance? I was a common slut, a whore, we liked our jobs. Well whoever thinks that, I have two words for you. Fuck. You. I would be used, beaten, fucked, and then… If I didn't hurt too much…do it again.

Wash, rinse, cycle, and repeat.

He only had one rule for them, don't break the toy. Ever heard of that slogan, you break it you bought it? Yeah? Well, same goes for me.

I felt myself being touched by a stranger. It didn't matter though, it always happened. I let them touch, otherwise he would. Him, he, my father.

I didn't slightly understand what people saw in me though. There were practically a million other whores at this club. Willing ones, better looking ones, so why me?

Was it my punishment? Was it my punishment for my mother taking that knife instead of me? Was I not supposed to live? Was I not supposed to live in happiness? What a foreign concept…

I closed my eyes against the strangers hands.

Nothing…

It was because I was…nothing…

They were drunk, they didn't know, they didn't care. As long as if they got what they were there for (satisfaction), what did it matter what the source of said satisfaction came from?

I was being pulled backwards and into his arms, pressing me closer to him. I could feel the hot breath on my ear as he spoke causing me to shiver. "Do you feel that? I know you do…" he was pushing into me while pulling me closer still.

Oh gods, oh gods…_help me…_

"I know you can feel me." And I could. I didn't want to but I could. I could. Oh gods. The bulge in this mans pants was huge. Oh gods, oh gods. Hell, it felt like a freaking rock was in there.

I was scared…

I always was…

The man's hand was reaching lower. No, no, it shouldn't go there. It shouldn't-

It did…

His hand slipped right down my pants. He began to rub me oh so slowly, yet firmly. I gasped trying to lean forward but his hand stopped me. I was pulled back into his chest. I moaned softly, closing my eyes I leaned into the man.

I was dirty; oh I was oh so dirty…

A new set of hands were on me, each were placed on either side of my hips. There was pressure as the person lifted himself onto me. He was as hard as the guy behind me, so to say. He was rubbing his hard-on now on my damned erection. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. It felt so _good_.

I cried…

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**(note: I am not perverted ((well….not very any way…XD )) so there for the story will not be like this the whole time!)**

**ShadowedDarkness**: okay, if that sucked...it's 'cause I'm only thirteen and I was twelve when I first wrote that.

**People**: (gasp!)

**ShadowedDarkness**: (holds hands up in defense) WHAT! I _told_ you this was old! (grin) anywayz...

see the purple thingy?

you do? Oh good...then click it and you shall make me very happy! JA NE!


	2. when disgust fills your mind

**ShadowedDarkness**: okay, I know this took me a loooong time to get this chapter out…….but, here it is!

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**Confessions**

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Curling up into a tight ball in the corner, I whimpered. 

I was bleeding again. The cuts ran deeper than they ever have before. The blood poured out in small rivers onto the floor, each one a symbol of the life I was losing with each passing moment. The sad thing was though, I didn't care. These cuts weren't from him, oh-no, I did _these_ myself.

I was hoping that maybe I could just end it now. End the pain and suffering with a simple blade.

Now the only problem with that course of action was that I was too scared to in the end. I always was…

I was too scared to actually end it, too scared to open the vain that could end it all for me. And because of this, I would suffer.

I stared at the blade that lay idle on the floor, my blood stained on it, I cringed. Why couldn't I end it? Was it really that hard to do? Was it so hard to take out a life that seemed to have no purpose on this earth but to be continuously used? Was it so hard to erase myself from existence even though I knew that no one… cared…?

I whimpered again. No one cared, and no one ever would…why give myself false hope? Why give myself the false hope of living…?

Slowly I raised myself off of the floor and, cradling my arm, slowly made my way to the bedroom door. I would be beaten later for the mess on the floor, I knew that much, but I no longer cared. I stopped caring a long time ago. I no longer cared because no one else did.

Just as I reached the door knob, a commotion downstairs caught my attention. It almost sounded like my father was arguing with someone. I bit my lip. It was probably just one of his customers. Just one of his overly horny customers looking for a little more than what they got last time I was sold off for when I was at the club.

I was slightly surprised though that he was actually arguing with one though. Especially seeing as I was just his way of making some extra booze money. I snorted; they probably just wanted to under pay him. Not arguing, bartering is more like it.

Opening the door, I slowly made my way to the bathroom down the hall and past the staircase.

Entering the bathroom I flicked on the light and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was white faced and pale, dark black and blue circles shadowing the under parts of my large dead blue eyes. Blue eyes that once held a spark of happiness…but that was so long ago. Sometimes I think that those times that I remember ever feeling happiness must have been some other child from some other family. Surely it couldn't be me…

Sighing I pulled open the mirror-cabinet and took out the needed supplies to bandage my arm. It didn't take all that long to wrap the cuts in gauze. Slipping a pair of gloves over my fingers to hide the cuts from prying eyes of strangers, it wasn't like _he_ didn't know that I did this to myself, I started down the stairs.

The arguing was growing louder with each and every step I took downwards, as did a rather anxious knot in the pit of my stomach. Tip- toeing gently down the rest of the steps and peaking around the corner, I finally realized the mistake I had made. Biting my lip, I covered my mouth from the sound of disgust that wanted to release itself from my lungs. There he was, struggling to hold down a silver haired teen that was… putting up quite a good fight actually… and yelling at the older man to 'get the hell off him', while my father was kissing up his neck and towards his lips. He was lowering himself down, smothering the teen with his body, his lips crashing down on the teens below him. A shocked cry flew into the air.

I felt my body stiffen and my eyes widen.

How could he? How could he do that?

Pushing myself off the wall, I stumbled forwards and found myself trying to jerk my father off the poor teen underneath him. Deep sea-green eyes were open wide with shock, frozen; he was no longer seeing anything...

Growling I yanked at my fathers form as hard as I could. How could he do this? How could he? It was different when it was me…that he…did this to. It was different because I was nothing, not a person who…

Panic was settling deep into my stomach, what could I do? I was feeling light-headed from my little cutting session, and I knew I was straining myself to hard. But he was freaking ignoring me! He was ignoring me _damnit_!

Hissing I did the only thing left that I could think of…I bit him.

"Holy fucking shit! You _son_ of a _bitch_!"

I felt the hand before I actually saw it coming and the next thing I knew I slammed into the wall. Crying out I slumped forward. The pain in my back feeling ten times worse than it should because of a bruise I received the previous day. Wonderful.

The hand that wrapped around my neck snapped me out of my thoughts quick enough though.

"You fucking little slut!" Wincing I felt the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes as his hands tightened around my neck. Glancing behind him, I looked at the teen who still lied there with wide eyes. Deep sea green locking with my own. "What the hell do you think your doing? You fucking bite me while I'm in the middle of something?! You god damn little bitch." He growled, letting go of my throat and back handing me.

My body slid to the right from the force. My face stung, and not only from the smack, but from humiliation.

He grabbed me and he began to shake my body so hard I thought I was going to be sick, and then the next thing I knew I was being punched in the gut. I doubled over, the air completely knocked out of me. Choking back a sob, the tears made there own course down my cheek. God I'm pitiful.

Looking away, I closed my eyes. I was ashamed. This was the first time since mom died that I was crying in front of him. I had promised myself that I would never cry in front of him again, despite all his hurtful words. I had told myself over and over again that it didn't matter what he said. It didn't matter. Oh who was I fooling? His hurtful words stung even after all the times he said them, they still hurt.

The feel of warm lips pressing against mine suddenly was the only thing I knew. "Don't cry kitten. Don't cry…"

"MMmph!" I squeezed my eyes shut as I was pushed into the wall, his tongue forcefully entering my mouth, and thoroughly raping it as he saw fit. My hands gripped and scraped at the wall behind me. His hands wandered, slowly beginning to trace an all too familiar path south ward. This wasn't happening…this wasn't happening…

A large thwacking sound sounded around the room and he gave a small grunt as his body slumped forward. I sat there for a few seconds, stunned, before finally pushing the dead weight off of me.

I looked up into sea-green eyes. "What are you sitting here for? Let's go!" He grabbed my wrist and quickly pulled me towards the door, all the while mumbling and ranting something along the lines of 'Last time I go do something for my mother.' Opening the door he hurriedly pulled me out onto steps. Without thinking I pulled back. He stopped and spun around with an incredulous look on his face.

"Let's go!" I shook my head.

"Come on!" He tried again, reaching for my hand. I flinched back and stared.

"Y-you go." I whispered. "S-someone needs to stay behind, otherwise he'll just come looking for the both of us as soon as he gets up. There's no point in you getting hurt because I decided to leave… for… selfish reasons.

He looked at me and turned as if to move, but his head twisted back the other way. "I'll come back for you." And with that he turned and fled down the street.

I was almost tempted to follow him. I already knew what would happen if I did though. He always found me, somehow he always found me. I tried to leave, god knows I tried. But there was no where to go. I had nothing but him. Nothing. Shaking my head I started to close the door. A groan from the room behind me made me anxious. He was going to punish me, a feeling of dread washed over my body; his punishments were always the worst.

Closing the door, I turned around to see a very pissed off father. His hands were suddenly around my throat and I was lifted and slammed into the closed door. I winced as he leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Hmmm. What do you think kitten. What should I do?" He let me drop, and I crumpled to the floor. Leaning down next to me he slid his arms forward and wrapped them around me. "Maybe a small punishment is in order, hmm?"

I shuddered, whimpering softly, and stared longingly at the door. I stared longingly at the freedom I knew that I would never have…

A freedom I would never have because no one cared enough to ever come back for me. After all, I was nothing, I wasn't even here…

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**ShadowedDarkness**: awwwww. Thank you people for your loverly reviews. ((blushies)) the compliments! All the lovely compliments! Well, anywayz. Thank you for reviewing:

Alrighty then. Now that that's done………((goes down on knees)) please, please review!


	3. when your screaming for help

**ShadowedDarkness**: Oh my god! I am sooooo sorry that this took so long to write! But I have an excuse…..

**Riku**: ((rolls eyes))

**ShadowedDarkness**: ….((glare))….It had been all written out, and then when I went to upload it, it was gone! I dunno on what happened, but it seriously went missing. It took me a really long time in order for me to remember what I had written. This is less then what I had. I'm so sorry everyone! ((sob)) don't hurt me!

**Disclaimer:** damn….do I really have to put one of these things up? I do? Awww. Well, I don't own kingdom hearts or nothing, so peoples can't sue……but I wish they could sue because then that would mean that my plan on stealing Sora had been a success. ((grin)) But alas… ah well, ((shrug)) on with the story!

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**Confessions**

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Everything hurt… 

I tried to move my hands only to find that they were bound behind me, I winced. The ropes, or whatever I was tied with, were burning into my wrists with the slightest movements. I grunted in pain as I rolled over to my front, gods it hurt. It was dark. I stared blankly upwards, my eyes hurt, and I quickly shut them in pain despite how dark it was. I think that's the first thing that I noticed. Everything was dark.

I tried to cry out only to find something in my mouth and blocking the way. I felt my eyes water and I desperately tried to remember what happened that put me in this position. Honestly, I couldn't remember. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing…after all I was most obviously put through one of his punishments. Being bound and gagged in a dark place kind of, but only kind of, brought me to that conclusion.

Remembering what exactly my punishments with him entailed was never really a 'fun' experience. Although…he tended to think it as such…

Staring blankly up into the darkness that surrounded me, I waited. I didn't know exactly what I was waiting for or why I held my breath. I just did.

And I was rewarded for it too.

I could here voices, more than two as far as I could tell, coming from somewhere in the distance. Closing my eyes I tried to listen in on the conversation.

Tried, of course, being the key word here. All I could here was a jumble of their voices, sounds, no words. I blinked, my eyes felt heavy…

Blinking I shook my head. No! I wasn't aloud to let myself fall back a sleep. This was an opportunity that I had to take. Those voices could very well be people that didn't know my fathers background. Ones who could come rescue me? I don't know how but I did know I had to get their attention somehow so they could find me. And hopefully it wasn't just _his_ friends.

The image of a green eyed silver haired teen looking at me with those intense eyes saying, 'I'll come back for you' passed through my head and suddenly something akin to hope filled me. He had come back, he had come back to help me. I just kept saying to myself. He had…actually…come back to help me…he had…

Taking in a shuddering breath, I knew this might be the only chance for me to escape wherever the hell I was. Wherever the hell _this _was. This dark place where I was bound and gagged.

The voices suddenly seemed to get farther away. Panicking I forced myself to sit up, a sharp pain flashing through my stomach. My eyes widened in pain, my knees pulled up in reaction and I leaned my head against it. My breathing became labored as I stared wide eyed down at my knees. God it _hurt_. Shaking myself out of it I threw myself to the right…and hit…something.

Concentrating I leaned against it, lifted my but up and pushed my hands underneath and in the bend of my knee. Sharp pains were rolling through my body as I sat back down and pulled my bound wrists down and over my feet to rest in my lap. Panting I leaned my full body against…

…a wall?

Turning around, and ignoring the pain, I sat on my knees and lifted my hands, which connected with what felt like wood. It was a wall, it had to be! Leaning against it, I began to pound my wrists, my hands desperately against it.

There was silence. Choking back a sob I continued with what I was doing. The faded outlines of what was in here with me slowly came into focus, and I understood. I was in a closet. I was in a closet bound and gagged.

Stopping for only a moment I brought my hands to my mouth and savagely pulled whatever was in my mouth out, the cloth dangling now around my neck. I started up again, this time crying for help at the same time.

Suddenly the voices were closer. "It's coming from in this room!"

Furiously I kept pounding on the door and screaming, my voice slightly going hoarse.

"HERE!"

The voice sounded slightly muffled. Then there was another one. "Help me with this door will ya?"

Panting, I dropped my hands and let my mouth close. Everything around me was hazy. Leaning heavily against the wall, or should I say door, I felt it as it was jerked open, light flooding my vision. Toppling over, I felt strong arms grab me.

There was a low murmur of 'holy shit' as I was slowly moved out of the closet by those same strong arms. I closed my eyes against the harsh light and slowly re-opened them. Everything was blurry... Moving my eyes to the left, I caught sight of the tan arms and black clothed man that was holding me. Moving my eyes to my right, I caught site of silver hair and green eyes.

He had come back for me...? He had honestly come back for me…

I laid there staring at him for a second before I felt a pain flare up in my chest. Choking, I rolled over and out of the mans arms to kneel, and pulled my bound hands up to my face as I coughed violently into them.

"Hey, kid, you okay?" A concerned hand landed on my back.

I stared at my hands as I pulled away. Something…red…was on them…

I looked up at the man and his eyes widened. I blinked rapidly for a second, and suddenly I was falling forward.

"Shit! Kid! Hey! Shit, go call an ambulance!" The man who had caught me for the second time that day cried. Hurried footsteps could be heard heading away.

Then everything was dark….

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**ShadowedDarkness**: like I said. I'm truly sorry for not getting this out sooner. Well thanks for all the reviews ((:p))

Now all you peoples have to do is clicky that purple thinger on the left hand corner of your screen and you'll make me veeeeeeeeeeeeeery happy ((grin)) Ja ne!


	4. and your not sure you'll be fine

**ShadowedDarkness**: YAY! I finally have everyone a new chapter! ((bows)) thank you, thank you.

**Riku**: ((rolls eyes))

**ShadowedDarkness**: ((glares at Riku)) as I was saying. I hope everyone enjoys it!

**Sora**: Well, we own absolutely diddly on this story, except for the plot, so yeah, you can't sue. So anywho's have fun and enjoy!

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**Confessions**

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"Do you think he will be okay?" 

"Physically, yes."

"What about mentally?"

"…that's something we will have to find out…"

It was so cold. Frowning, I moaned softly. All I ever wanted was warmth. That was all, was it so selfish of me to ask for it? Lifting my hand I cried softly. I don't want to be cold, being cold meant I was…alone, I don't want to be alone!

"He's been having these fits in his sleep ever since he's been here. So far nothing we have done has helped."

Voices…

"Please! When will he wake up?"

Desperation…

They sounded so far away. Reaching forward, I moaned. Please, won't someone….someone just let me know that they cared? Know that there was warmth? I was so cold…

Something warm slowly touched my hand. Letting my fingers curl around it, I smiled. Slowly I let go of my semi-conscience state and let myself float off into oblivion. I was finally warm…

"Hey. Can you open your eyes?"

Eyes fluttering open, I slowly sat up. Where was I? Blearily looking around, I frowned. Hell, all I could see was white. Lifting my left hand, I rubbed my eyes.

"You feel any better?"

Turning towards the slightly concerned voice, I blinked in confusion. There sat a green eyed, silver haired teen. Well that was new, it wasn't everyday you saw a person with _silver_ hair. He held a warm smile and there was just something about him that shouted 'Trust me'. Looking down, I blushed. Well, there was the reason on why my right hand wasn't working. My right hand held his own in a tight grip.

Looking up I blushed harder with the realization that he had been my 'warmth'. Pulling my hand out of his, I smiled. "Umm, no offence, but who are you?"

He sighed softly. "We were never really properly introduced. My name is Riku, and uh…" A small frown etched itself slowly across his face. "…do you remember what happened?"

Blinking in confusion, I shook my head. I remembered being in the dark….and pain….but that was it (what else was new?). Nothing really seemed to be clear to me. Nothing at all. Looking the teen over, something seemed to click in my mind. I definitely knew him from somewhere. "Well I'm Sora, seeing as we were never properly introduced." I mocked smiling slightly.

He returned the smile with one of his own, but it quickly faded. Frowning at his saddened face, I sighed. "What's wrong?" It was odd. I never liked seeing other people unhappy, unless of coarse it was _him_. I couldn't give a rat's ass about _him_.

"I just wanted to thank you…." His eyes were set firmly on the floor as he said this. He almost looked ashamed…of himself? More than likely he was ashamed for having to say thank you, for what who knew, to…someone…no, something…like me…

Cocking my head to the side, I smiled. "What ever for?"

"For helping me escape…." His voice held no emotion, but when he looked up, his eyes... they burned with the intense emotions swirling in their depths. Anger…regret… "Why didn't you come with me?!"

Flinching back in surprise I gasped as a sudden wave of nausea hit me, as did the memories. He was the teen that I helped escape from _him._ He had practically begged for me to come with him, but I hadn't. I had been scared….he would have just found me any way. He would have just found me any way…

And then, and then…

Choking back a sob, I shook my head. It was blurry, and then there was a closet. I had been locked in a closet!

"Woah! Hey!" Soft hands placed themselves on my shoulder. Without thinking I threw myself at the older teen. A small startled gasp filled the air, but I paid no attention to it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Sobbing, I buried my head into his arms. "H-he...closet! H-he locked, he l-locked, he locked me in a closet!"

Slowly arms circled my waist; soft soothing noises were whispered into my ear telling me it would be 'alright'. Pulling away, I looked down at the white sheets. Dropping my bandaged arms (you know I never noticed they were bandaged up until now) into my lap, I slowly twisted the cotton sheets nervously in my hands. "I'm sorry…" Glancing up, I found myself quickly looking back down. "I didn't mean to do that."

"It's alright."

A soft clicking sound came from the far wall as the door opened and a lady all in white slowly walked in. The 'click, clack, click, click, clack' of her heals on the tile floors sounded around the room. It was only then that I could hear the sounds of people and the busy sounds of feet outside the room. It was then I realized where I was…

The lady smiled. "So how's my little patient doing?"

…a hospital.

Shit! I definitely could not be here! He would kill me for…wait. He won't be coming back. Not yet anyway. He would be back….that much was guaranteed, I couldn't let anyone know. I couldn't let anyone know who he was.

The lady gave off one of those Barbie smiles. You know, one that never disappears, looks perfect, and has to hurt the cheeks for doing that so long….

Yeah, one of those smiles. "I'm not little."

"Oh really? Well then, exactly how old are you dear?" She said, a rather to sweetly if you ask me. Wow, talk about fake.

Rolling my eyes, I glared. "Fifteen."

Silence filled the room and the plastic smile slipped off the nurse's face. Yes, I know that I looked twelve, yes I know my glares looked as harmless as a wet kitten….

Stopping that train of thought, I shook my head. I would not refer to myself as a kitten as _he_ did.

"Well dear, I haven't been able to locate any of your parents, you had no I.D. on you. Give me your name, and if possible, your mother and or fathers phone number."

Shivering slightly, I frowned. I hated hospitals. I had only been in it once, and that was to watch my grandmother slowly wither away. Her dying words were telling me I was an ungrateful little bastard. Did I ever mention my grandmother used to live with me? She knew what they did…..

She didn't care….

No one cared. I realized this a long time ago. It was all an act they put on just to see how long it took for me to trust them before they slowly cut the bonds between us and let my remains drop and shatter.

"My name is Sora Koishii, my mother is dead, and truthfully I could care less where my father was. Oh, and if you're wondering I don't know either of their phone numbers." I said smiling as sweetly as I could back. I was lying, I knew it. I couldn't let them know that it was my father who did it to me though. "I haven't heard from him for the past three years." It was all one big lie. One big lie…

Nodding her head, she slowly walked out of the room. The smile on her face long forgotten.

Silence filled the room. Finally the silver-haired teen spoke up. Saying one of the oddest things some one would say at this time. "You know, you have major mood swings."

Giggling, I smiled up at Riku. "I know."

"But seriously though, is your mother really…." He left the sentence open, hoping he wouldn't have to say it. I understood, that's how I was for the longest time. I couldn't accept her death at first. I always expected her to walk into the house, scream at me, smack me around a bit, and stagger to her bed like the good drunk she was. But she would never do that again, and it was all my entire fault. He had after all, been aiming that knife at me.

"Yeah. It's alright though, you don't have to be sorry or anything." Putting up the best smile that I could, I shrugged. "So how old are you?"

Taken back by the sudden switch of topics, he stuttered slightly. "I, I'm 17."

The nurse decided to walk in right after that, cutting the conversation that was just starting short. "Well Sora, I see you were telling the truth. You've been living alone for all these years?"

I nodded. I knew if I spoke my voice would betray me. I was never really that good of a liar, which would be why I never went to school that often.

I saw the weird look Riku gave me…

"How exactly have you been paying the bills?"

Looking down, I shook my head. "Money was s-sent to me…"

"Really. May I ask from whom?"

Biting my lip, I kept my eyes down. I was such an idiot. I really am a bad liar; I completely forgot that saying those things would just get me in trouble. My lie's always seem to back-fire on me. I'm not the type that steels, even though; I had to every now and then. But it wasn't like I wanted to; it was what I had to do.

I was startled to find that I was crying. "I, I…"

"Well!" She was getting impatient. Flinching away from her voice, I bit my lip and nodded. "I, I…"

"Nurse!" Flinching away from the second voice I squeezed my eyes shut. "Will you leave him alone? I do believe that it's not your place to be asking such personal questions. And can't you see your upsetting your patient?"

"It's my job to ask these questions as well."

"But not _now!"_

"Yes now!"

"At the moment your place is to take care of your patient, not make him cry!"

"If crying makes him better, then I'm doing my job!"

"How the hell does crying make someone better?!"

Covering my ears with my hands, I curled my fingers, pulling on my hair. "STOP!" Leaning forward, I shook my head desperately. "Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Please…"

I didn't notice that it had become quite, I focused on chanting stop. I just wanted all the yelling to stop. I had wanted all the yelling to stop when I was younger, but it never did. A hand placed itself on my shoulder. Flinching away, I pushed myself up against the pillows on the bed. Staring at the hand still hanging there, I glanced up at the two faces in the room. They weren't my parents. I just had to keep telling myself that.

Riku slowly walked forward, pulling his hand to his side. "We're sorry… okay?"

The nurse behind him looked almost white. She nodded as well. "I didn't mean to yell at you Sora. I forgot my place." Pulling out a clip-board, she frowned. "Your friend can sign you out of here in about a week." She walked slowly out of the room.

Glancing up at the silver haired teen, I raised an eyebrow in question. He smiled. "You're going to stay with me until someone adopts you I guess. Truthfully, they weren't going to let you go back to your parents anyway. They thought they weren't good enough to take care of you. So I volunteered to let you stay with me." I nodded.

This meant….That I was an orphan…

I no longer had parents. My father wasn't qualified to have me now and I didn't have a mother. But why would he want to take me in? Did he think he owed me something?

Was I just a burden in his eyes? Was he going to just drop me off the first second he realized he owed me nothing? After all, I am nothing….

Nothing at all.

You can't owe something to…nothing…

* * *

**ShadowedDarkness**: Well, that's it so far. Thanks for all the reviews everyone!

**Shawna: **Thank you for the compliment. I hope you liked this chapter as well.

**Luvable14:** wow. Thank you! Someone loves my story! ((hugs)) YAY!

**Lordkagome: **I will! I promise to continue. Scouts honor! Lolz.

**HurricaneGurl41:** lolz. Yes I'm _sure_ I'm only 13. Although, I won't be for long. ((dances)) YAY! It's gunna be my birthday, it's gunna be my birthday. woOt, woOt! I will be 14 may 30! YAY!

**Angel of light and darkness16: **I'm very glad you liked it.

**. at least I know im a sinner.: **It is kinda hard to think that these things really happen in life, and maybe that's why I write about it. I know this. Oh. Lolz, it's true! We really do get most of our detailed parts from the 'pervertedness'. I'm glad you like my story so far, hope you liked this chapter!

**Kori Tenshi: **lolz. Don't worry, I can't hold grudged for that long either. Sorry, this took a little longer than expected, hope you liked it.

**DieChan: **Thank you. I know it was too short, I'm sorry! I didn't realize how short it was until I re-looked. This ones longer for ya.

**ShadowedDarkness**: like I said, thanks for all the reviews! Lolz. Now….If only you would review on this chapter…ooh! I know! I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE!


	5. you keep telling yourself you cant

**ShadowedDarkness**: Hello again! Well, we are going to skip everything today. We already know I don't own anything, Except for the pocket lint…..

**Lint**: What do you mean you own us?! (stalks away)

**ShadowedDarkness**: T.T well, I thought I owned pocket lint….Anywho's, ONTO THE STORY!

* * *

**Confessions**

* * *

Leaning my head against the window, I glared. I (bang). Need (bang). Out (bang). Of this place! (Bang bang bang)

"Is it normal for me to be walking in on you doing this?" An amused voice stated from behind.

Swirling around, with as much dignity as a person in a half open hospital gown can, I glared at the intruder. And there stood my 'savior' in all his silver hair and green eyed glory. Insert mental gag here.

Still amused, the other teen smiled "You do realize that the face you're making looks as terrifying as a fluffy bunny, right?" These were the type of comments that made me really dislike Riku at times. He wasn't even trying to hide the fact that I looked funny!

"Why thank you captain obvious." I replied, resorting to pouting instead of glaring. He laughed, placing one hand on his hips. "Can't you at least pretend that me glaring at you fazes you?"

"Nope." He replied smugly and crossing the room to sit in the only vacant chair in the room beside the bed, which happened to be right next to where the window was and where I…was….did that make sense? "Now back to my earlier question, is it normal for me to be walking in on you doing that?"

Turning back around I let my head fall back onto the window with an audible 'bang'. "It just might be if I have to stay here any longer. How the heck does a person get better with nothing to look at than a white wall? I swear, if you don't die from whatever you're in the hospital for you're surly to die from boredom!"

A small smile flitted across the silver haired teens face. "Well then, you'd be happy to know that you're leaving this place in about another three hours, ne?" Brightening up instantly, I faced Riku.

"REALLY!" Well, what can I say, I don't like white walls.

"Yup." Glomping the other teen in the chair, I laughed.

"YES!"

"Woah!" And with that, the chair toppled over. A rather large 'thud' sounded around the room as both of us landed on the floor. Still squeezing poor Riku, I let go as he began tapping my back frantically from lack of air. Regaining his composure after his near death experience (hehehe), as he so dubbed 'the evil glomping of doom', he sat back down in the now righted chair.

Laughing sheepishly, I sat down on the stiff hospital bed. It wasn't so bad, it was definitely better than sleeping on the floor...

The silence that filled the room was not helping my thoughts to take a different course, and I found myself voicing them. "Riku…?"

"Hmm?" He looked up from staring at the floor.

A little put out that his stares were now directed at me, I bit my lip. "Why are you letting me go stay with you at your house?" dropping my head at the almost hurt look on his face as I asked this, I felt my earlier intentions slip away. "I mean…I-I'm grateful and all, but you don't really, you don't have to…no one cared before…so why, why do you…?"

Dropping my head lower, I flinched when he opened his mouth to answer. What was I thinking? He doesn't care about me, what the hell put that idea in my head? I was nothing. I **am** nothing. I'm absolutely nothing at all, you can't care about nothing…Life doesn't work that way. I'm not supposed to be cared about. _He _used to tell me that all the time. I was nothing more then the worthless garbage that you walked on. I was nothing but a 'beautiful' freak. That's what he used to say. I was nothing. "I don't want to burden you…" I whispered softly.

"I do care. Even now you care more about my well being then your own. You helped me, It's now my turn to help you..." The bed sank a few as added weight was applied. A hand gently tilted my chin upwards to stare into his eyes. "…you are not a burden. I will never consider you as such. You are going to stay with me and my family. If they have a problem with you being there, then that's there own issue. But I believe that won't be the case seeing as you saved me before I ever saved you."

I blushed at the kind words. No one ever…never in my life….has **_ever_** said something that nice before. Riku got up and sat back down in his chair, and as if the conversation they just had had never happened said flippantly "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that you'll be having one last check up before you leave."

Pouting, I looked up. "Ah no! You can't let them do that!"

His smirk slid slyly into place. "Oh and why not, pray tell, can I not let them?"

"I don't like being knocked out just so they can poke and prod at me with there evil doctor supplies!" I was whining, and I knew that, but if it worked….

"Yeah, so?" He was up and laughing again and heading towards the door which was currently letting in a dozen or so nurses and doctors. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but I did **_not_** want to be left unconscious in a room of people with sharp objects!

"Get back here you bastard!" I growled, raising my fist at the retreating form of the silver haired devil reincarnation. Savior my ass!

"See ya later Sora." He laughed with a wave of his hand over his shoulder.

Not happy with the situation I was in, I pouted up at the doctors. "You know, you don't really _have_ to knock me out to do this….do you?"

As the doctors advanced, I sighed. Lying down, I frowned. Apparently they did. And then the world went black…I would be having another dreamless sleep….

Rolling over to escape that annoying sound by my ears, I sighed and buried deeper into the blankets. They were warm, which made me happy.

"_Come on Sora….wake up."_

Swatting away at the voice next to my ear, I rolled over again.

"_Oh come on!"_

Ignoring what oddly sounded like Riku's voice, I smiled. I like Riku, he was nice….There was silence for a few minutes. That stupid nagging thing went away. Maybe I could go back to sleep….

"**_WAKE UP!"_**

Jumping up, I stared wide eyed at the doubled over laughing figure of Riku. Cupping my now ringing ear, I glared. What in the world had I been thinking? Riku…nice? Who put _that_ absurd thought in my head? "What do you want?" I growled grumpily. Stupid Riku. Stupid doctors for…..hey wait a minute….

"Well, I just thought that you would like to leave the hospital….but if you want to stay for a couple more days with those 'evil doctors and there supplies', I'll understand." He said, waving one hand carelessly though the air and pivoting in the direction of the door.

"Ah, no!" Jumping up out of the bed, I scrambled over to the silver haired teen. "Nope, nope. I'm good. Let's go!"

"I thought so. Here…" He handed over a baggy pair of jeans and an oversized red t-shirt. "…These are for you. I figured you didn't want to run around in a hospital gown all day. They might be a little big…but we can always go shopping for you later." He said smiling. "Get changed, I'll be waiting for you outside the door."

I nodded, and watched as he left the room and shut the door before I even started to think about undressing. Stalking out of the room when I was done, I simply pouted at the teen on the opposite side of the hallway. "You call this a 'little big'?" I gestured with my hands at the clothes before quickly grabbing at the pants before they fell down. "What'd you do? Borrow them from en elephant?"

Yes the clothes were _that_ big. I felt like I had my own tent. I had to hold the jeans up with my hands and they _still_ had at least another two inches of material dragging on the floor. The shirt hung down to my knees and was slipping off of one shoulder. "Don't you at least have a belt that I could borrow?"

A small giggle turned my attention away from 'trying-to-hold-in-his-snickers' Riku to a petite brunette next to him. Eyes widening I rushed back into the room and shut the door. My heart was beating loudly in my chest. I was trembling. Shaking my head I frowned. What the heck is wrong with me? It was only a girl, it was only a girl, it was only a…

The door opened slightly and Riku slipped in with a worried look on his face. "Hey, you okay?"

I bit my lip. What was I supposed to say 'no Riku, I'm freak'n terrified?!'….I don't think so….I just shook my head softly no. No, no I was definitely not okay. Who was that person? Why was she there? Why was she with Riku?

"Hey…" I flinched and jumped backwards as his hand came in contact with my shoulder. Hitting the wall, I felt myself start to hyper ventilate. "Hey, whoa, breathe! Breathe!" He pulled me into a hug. "Calm down. I won't hurt you, and neither will Selphie. Okay, I promise you that she won't hurt you like he did, alright?"

Nodding my head, I looked up into his smiling face. "Here…" He pulled off the belt that was around his waist. "..You kind of need this more than me, I only use mine for show."

Taking the belt from his outstretched hand, I smiled. "Thank you."

After I got the belt on, we both walked out of the room. A small giggle alerted me that that girl was still there. Quickly I hid my body behind Riku. Looking around Riku's body, I stared at the foreign person.

"Awww, Riku, he really is cute!" She gushed.

Blushing I withdrew my head and buried it into Riku's back. She was kind of…intimidating…

"Now Selphie, what did I tell you about scaring the patient." Riku smirked. I couldn't see it, but I was positive that he was doing so. Having him visit you practically everyday while I was in the hospital got me pretty used to how he acted.

"I can't help it Riku! He's adorable!" She squealed. She was practically bouncing up and down on the balls of her feat as she said this. Wrapping my arms around Riku's waist, I buried my head into his shirt further. She was scary!

It took almost an hour just trying to get to the car. I wouldn't talk, but that was only because every time I made even the simplest of noises like a giggle when Riku made a weird face because of something that Selphie said, she would cause a scene with her squealing and shouts of 'He's _sooo_ cute!'.

I also wouldn't talk because I was terrified of her. But I won't let her know that…

Riku had a nice car….Looking over at Selphie, who was still bouncing up and down in her overall yellow skirt thing, just plopped down in the front seat. Blinking, I opened the car door and slowly sat in the back. Riku sat in the driver's seat….Hold up, he could drive?

"Uhh, Riku? You can drive….?"

Selphie fell silent until, "Oh MY GOD! HE SPOKE!"

Flinching, I shrunk back into the seat. I was definitely freaked. She was definitely scary! Oh god, somebody save me! Scary girl, she was very scary.

Riku looked as if he was having a mental argument with himself before finally telling Selphie to 'shut up'. "Yeah I can drive." He turned around and smiled. "Although, I'm new at it. I _am_ licensed, so yeah I'm allowed to drive. But I would prefer it if you put on your seat belt."

I nodded. Okay, I could do that. Silently putting on my seatbelt, I made sure I didn't talk in the car. Selphie scared me enough as it was before I said anything…

When the car pulled to a stop, I was relieved to see a pouting Selphie walk solemnly out of the car. She waved good-bye and went into her own house. Without her in the car, it was silent. Riku was concentrating on driving. Smiling, I closed my eyes.

I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep, but there Riku was, shaking me by the shoulders to wake up. Blearily opening my eyes, I looked around. We were parked in front of a rather large house. What was I saying, that was **_not_** a house, that was a **_mansion!_**

Shocked, I turned to face the silver haired teen. "Okay, what the _hell_ were you doing down by where I lived?"

Laughing softly, he shook his head. "This is my dad's house. He pretty much got the fortune. My mom lives right around the corner from where you live."

"Oh…"

"I was visiting my mom for her monthly visit for a weekend. I actually live here with my older brother…and some others."

"Oh…" I think that was the only sound that I knew how to make at the moment. Looking up at the building, I shook my head. "I can't live here…."

Green eyes looked up at me confused. "What do you mean by that?"

Hanging my head, I sighed. It was because I was nothing, that's what I meant. This place was too good for me. I didn't deserve this; I didn't deserve this at all. Biting my lip I looked up, I could feel the tears in my eyes. "I don't deserve what you're doing for me…."

I didn't deserve it at all. After all, 'Kitten' was told by daddy he was nothing. I am nothing….

Because daddy said so…

* * *

**ShadowedDarkness**: Well, that's it for now. A little shorter than what every one wanted, but yeah. Thank you for all of the loooooooverly reviews

**DieChan:** Yeah, I had to have at least one bitchy person lolz. Of coarse it's going to be a Riku/Sora story, who do you think I am? Anywho's gratzi for the review, appreciated greatly

**Kori Tenshi:** O.O yes, yes! **_I_** know he's a something! Eep, don't hurt me!

**Luvable14:** (hands over cookies) YAY! (Takes Riku and Sora plushies and squeezes them to death) These have made my day!

**Shawna: **Yuppers. Heartily agree with the much needed extension of the chapters , its not as long as I would have liked it to be….but it's longer than the other chapters -' he he he. Hope this is better

**GOGGLES: **yay! I'll take your speechless-ness as a good sign to continue

**Elly Yuki: **thank you very much for the loverly review Elly, Evi, Elvira, Emma and Eylan hope you got her off the ceiling ( XD )

**Daniegrl: **Why are you, my sister, reading this! Lolz. Hi danie thank you for telling me….hehehe….woops

**Anura-Minime:** O.O (inches away slowly) just don't hurt me in the process of killing the father….. thank you for the review. Lolz

**Fue-Delphino:** I was actually surprised that you asked that. Originally, that was my plan but then I decided that Sora was fifteen in this one…..and somehow that didn't seem to fit with **_memory_** plot ages. They seem younger in that one even though I never gave definite ages in it. I don't think…..lolz. But yeah, I was surprised that you put those two together (stares) stay out of my head! But no, it isn't. But that was a good connection seeing as that _was_ my original plan…was…

**ShadowedDarkness**: Whelp, that's everyone who reviewed thank you for doing so. Now….If you click that purple button in the left hand corner….

Yeah, that one…..

I know you see it….

You know you want to leave a review…..

do so and you will make me **_and_** the button happy Tanky too, Ja ne!


	6. Maybe it wont be so bad

**ShadowedDarkness**: Weeeeeeeeeee! Hey everyone! **((waves))**

**Everyone:** **_((GASP))_**

**ShadowedDarkness:** Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know it took me _forever_ to finally put this up. I'm really sorry for that by the way **X.x **

Aaaaaaaaanywho's, I just want to say I hope you enjoy this chapter, and yes I did make it slightly longer. ((its only four pages **X.x**)) But I did work really hard on it for you guys, I like triple checked it before sending it out. Ummm, **Disclaimer: _No_**, I do **_NOT_** own Kingdom hearts. You see, if I did, a lot of the homophobes might have heart attacks **XD **or at least become an angry mob and attck me…with pitchforks and everything….

Lolz. Yeah….

ON WITH THE STORY!

* * *

**Confessions**

* * *

"I, I can't live here…" I whispered softly. I didn't deserve any of this. I didn't deserve it at all. After all, _'Kitten'_ was told by daddy he was nothing. I am nothing….

You can't give something to nothing, and that's exactly what I am.

Because daddy said so…

_**I am nothing…**_

"Like hell you **_can't_**!" I was jolted out of my thoughts by a sharp tug. "You are living with me and that's final!"

He was pulling me up the walkway by my hand and I vaguely noted that I was trembling by the time we reached the door. Thoughts whirling around my head like **_what if his family doesn't like me,_** and **_what if they find out the truth,_** and **_I don't want to be used again_** was pulling my stomach into anxious knots.

It was when he went to open the door that reality set in. I pulled my hand from his and slowly began backing away. "I can't…" I whispered. "I can't, I can't, I can't I can't!" I cried, grabbing my head and shaking it desperately. No, no, no. I can't go in, I can-can't. Kitten can't, _Kitten can't_. "I CAN'T!"

I froze and let the chanting die on my lips when I felt strong arms envelop me in a tight hug. My trembling continued, and suddenly I felt ashamed.

_Why? _Why was I so afraid?

I knew the answer to that. I knew, but I told myself I was being stupid. This was _Riku's_ family, they couldn't be bad…

"I'm sorry Riku…I'm, I-I'm being s-stupid…" I mumbled, pulling out of the hug and looking away ashamed. "I-I don't know what came over me…"

"No, no your not." Riku said soothingly. "I can understand your reaction, especially after what you've been through. Don't **ever** say that you're being stupid."

I nodded quietly and looked up. Despite his words, I still felt stupid for acting the way I did. "C-can we j-j-just st-tay out here for a-a while?"

He gave a soft nod and sat down on the stoop, patting the space next to him in beckoning.

Sinking down, I bent me knees into my chest, curling my hands around and rested my chin on top of them. We sat in silence for a few minutes, which might have lasted longer if the front door hadn't opened unexpectedly.

"Hey Riku, when do you plan on-"

We both turned in surprise. I jumped in shock, and fell/ dove into Riku for protection from the creature that was coming out of the house. _**Talking**! _This creature, by the way, had baby-blue eyes, was blonde, and had spiky-gravity defying hair.

Gee….his hair looks awfully familiar for some reason…where have I seen that type of hair before….

A small 'oomph' sound escaped Riku's lips as laughter floated into the air. Peeking up from Riku's lap, I learned that the '_creature_' was none other than a person….who was, at the moment, rolling on the floor laughing his brains out.

Ehehehee, was the look on my face (and my reaction) really that priceless looking? I guess it was because the blonde never finished his sentence… Well, I kind of did dive into Riku.

Kodak moment….

See, you never have a camera around when you need one.

I blushed, realizing that I had toppled poor Riku over and quickly scrambled to help him back up. I blushed furiously as he brushed off the back of his jeans, and began to introduce me to the blonde stranger.

He rolled his eyes at the still laughing blonde before saying, "Sora , this is my _older_ brother Cloud. Cloud, this is Sora…"

Cloud, finally controlling his snickers, stuck out his hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you Sora."

I smiled.

"Oh, and whatever you do, don't listen to my brother when it comes to age. I'm **_twenty_**," he said giving Riku a pointed look. "**_Despite_** what my brother tells you. I am _not _five."

"You are five…" Riku started.

Cloud interrupted him with a wave of his hand. "That's so-o-o why I can drive a car…"

"I meant mentality dimwit." Riku replied, sticking out his tongue.

I giggled. I could definitely see the resemblance between the two, in personality, not in looks. I smiled up at the blonde. I stared for a few seconds and I could feel my smile slipping away the longer I looked up at him and my laughter dying on my lips. A feeling of panic began to consume me, I felt like I was choking, smothered by an invisible hand.

I knew him, Oh gods, I knew him. Oh gods help me…

Please…please don't let him recognize me….

They both still laughed and joked around with each other, neither noticing the fact that my face turned a ghastly white. I was praying to gods that he wouldn't recognize me. Biting my lip, I frowned. Please, please, _please,_ don't let him recognize me!

Cloud looked at me, a look of recognition in his eyes. "Hey Sora, you look kind of familiar, do I-"

I jumped at the arm that was suddenly slung over my shoulder. Riku smiled at me before looking back up at his brother. "Did I forget to mention that Sora will be living with us?"

I gave a mental sigh of relief that the subject had been changed and a mental cheer to Riku for being the one who changed it. Yay Riku! I hearts youuuuuuu!

Cloud paused for a second, before shaking his head. "Wait, wait …what?" **(A/N: hahaha, my reaction to things XD but mine is more of a 'Okay, wait… whaaaa?')**

Riku smiled. "Sora is going to be living with us until further notice."

"Ummmm, I have no problem with that….but _why_?" Cloud asked curiously while looking over at me.

I shrunk under his wondering gaze and tried to make myself as invisible as humanly possible. I didn't like being the center of attention. I looked down and began to fiddle with the hem of the overly large shirt. I blushed realizing how small I must look at the moment in the oversized clothing.

Riku gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's not really my place to tell you why. You'll know when Sora's ready."

I smiled up at Riku. Cloud gave a small nod at what Riku said and moved out of the doorway. "Well then, come on in Sora. I'm going to let you know now; we have a lot of kids living here. At the moment there all at the beach, there all hanging out there. I'm assuming you're already enlisted in a school, correct."

I looked over at Riku and shook my head 'no'.

"You're not?" he asked sounding genuinely surprised.

I mumbled a soft 'no'. I looked down, sudden shame filling me.

"Well then, I guess I'm just going to have to enroll you in one. Oh, ummmmmmmmm, how old are you Sora?"

I blushed again. Damn, I seem to be doing that a lot lately. "I-I'm fifteen." I mumbled again. Eh, I also seem to be doing _that_ a lot lately.

Once again he looked surprised to learn my age. "Really?"

I nodded.

"Well then, one last thing. I'm the one in charge here. What I say goes; I'm sort of like the parent here. Okay? Okay. Well then, Riku, why don't you show Sora around. And I'll see you around little guy." He said winking and reaching over to ruffle my hair. I flinched when he reached forward.

He pulled back and just smiled at me.

I felt guilty for flinching...but…I just…

"Well, come on." I blinked as I was dragged through the house (cough _mansion_ cough) and shown through numerous rooms. We went from the living room, to the play room, to the dining room, to the bathrooms (notice the plural), through **_all_** the bedrooms, and then to the final and my most favorite place, the kitchen.

The kitchen must have been the largest room in the whole house. There was a large square, black top table off to the right and a long island counter to the left of the room where you enter, the stoves and sink on the other side of it up against the wall. The refrigerator was to the left of the sink in the corner to the right of the island was a door leading outside. There were a million wooden cabinets throughout the room which had an intricate design of a weird star shaped fruit on all of them. The floor was made up of small black and white tiles and in the very center was that same fruit only way larger and yellow. All in all, I liked it.

We sat down on the stools placed by the kitchen counter, I slumped forward and banged my head against the counter and moaned. "Why must this place be so big?! I am _never _going to find my way around this place. I'm going to get lost."

Riku just laughed at me.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's _not_ funny. I'm going to get lost and no one will _ever _find me because **me**, being **me**, will probably find the only corner of the 'house' that no one ever visits and with _my_ luck I'll wind up _stuck_ _there_ for the **_rest_** of **_my miserable _**life. Then you'll wind up feeling guilty because I warned you that I would get lost." I pouted. "_Theeeeeeeeeen_ what would you do?"

Riku pretended to think for a second before shrugging. "I don't know; probably stay guilty for all of thirty seconds and then go find something to eat."

"Hmmph!" I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest and turned away, nose in the air. "Some friend _you_ are."

He chuckled. Just then the back door opened and eight kids/teens stumbled in.

I stared…

They stared….

…..Why the hell were there so many people and why the hell were they all looking at me!

Without thinking I gave a yelp and slid off the stool and quickly hid behind Riku. Everything was quite for a second until a voice broke the silence.

"Who the hell is that?"

There was an exclamation of 'OW!' and I peeked around Riku to see Cloud standing over a sandy blonde haired kid with an agitated look on his face. The teen put a hand to his abused head and gave Cloud an indignant look.

"What was **_that_** for?!" He cried.

"For being rude." Cloud stated bluntly, as I slowly began creeping out of my hiding place to stand next to Riku instead of behind. He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I couldn't help but giggle at the look that was on the teens face. He turned to me and gave me a look. "Well, who are you and why are you here?"

You could almost see the vain popping in Clouds forehead as he raised his hand and bonked the poor teen over the head while shouting 'Stop being rude!'

"OW!"

There was silence, and suddenly I couldn't take it.

I busted out laughing. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad….

* * *

**ShadowedDarkness: **Well, that's it for nooow. Thank you everyone for your loverly reviews.

**DieChan: **I was thinking about what you said with the review replies on a different website, but I'm type computer illiterate XD. Ummm, would it be better if I put the review replies at the top of this page or something? I would really like to hear what you have to say. And if anything, I'll pick up one of those 'How to use a computer for dummies' books XD

**ai-chan**: I'm touched, you said you loved my story! **((goes starry eyed))** You love my story!

**ruby-sama aura-chan the neko-jin's yami: **I hope they catch sora's father too, grrrrr. That bastard! ((Sora: Yeah!))

**Riku's-Kitsune-Mate: **Well thank you for thinking this is an awesome story and adding me to your favorites list **((smile))** Sorry it took so long to update on this **X.x** But, yeah. I hoped you liked this chapter!

P.S. Im honered to have you reviewing all my chapters by the way **((;D))**

**hittocerebattosai:** hope you like this chapter.

**Shizuka-Yuki:** ((**hands over soras father plushie doll and hammer)) **You wish for him to die yes? Have fun **((Grin))**

**Elly Yuki:** Omg, I love it when you leave me reviews! Oooh! **((huggles)) **But I must ask you to stop being psychic! Lolz. Hope you like this chapter. **((grin))**

**w.A.s.t.e.d e.n.t.i.t.y:** now now, if I told you that, then it would ruin the whole story **((waves finger in face))** tsk tsk. **((XD))**

**Kori Tenshi: **Doesn't she freak everyone out though? Lolz. But we all still love Selphie, and I'm glad someone had fun laughing at some of the humor I tried to put in. Thanks for your review **((grin))**

**ShadowedDarkness: **Well, that's it, Please review again **((smiles and waves))** Till next time I suppose.

I swear I won't take so long next time! The more reviews, the less time I take to update! Keep that in mind! JA NE! **((waves))**

**Sora: ((Waves))**


	7. you have the shadows as your guide

**ShadowedDarkness: **Wow, this is the earliest I have ever updated a chapter…I think….

**Everyone:** ((e-_gasp_!))

**ShadowedDarkness:** Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Anywho's, all I have to say is that no, I don't own Kingdom Hearts ((le sigh)) but I wish I did. Tee hee. Anyway, I said I would come out with two chapters….and as you can see there's only one….but it's out sooner then usual! I should get extra points for that!

…no really….I should….

Well, anyway, back to the story!

* * *

**Confessions**

* * *

Lying on my back I stared up at the white ceiling. It felt…weird…to be lying in the large over-sized bed instead of the floor or one of the hard hospital beds. Rolling to my side, I stared at the shadows that danced across the wall; the curtains swaying gently as a slight breeze passed through the room from the open window. The moonlight fell on the floor, illuminating an orange colored leaf that had blown in.

Shivering I pulled the comforter up to my chin. I curled my hands in the blanket, wrapping it tighter around my body and pulling my knees in for access to even more warmth. Really, I could just get up and close the window so the autumn chill wouldn't enter, but that would mean leaving the safety of the warm blankets. I did not want to leave the warm blankets. Doing that would mean getting out of said warm blankets, which in turn would make me cold. Yeah…

I closed my eyes only to snap them back open and stare at the moving shadows again. Being in this new house was totally messing me up. It was so…large…

Despite the fact that there were so many people living in this place, I felt lonely. I felt the tingling sensation at the back of my eyes and desperately fought against it. Ugh, why was I _crying_? Biting my lip, I thought back to when I first saw Cloud earlier that day. I realized where I knew him from, and that scared the shit out of me.

I knew him from the club. At first, I had felt disgusted at the older man, until I realized and remembered what he had been there for. He had never been a customer, and he never would be, I had decided by the end of the day. He was to…_good_ for that. After all, he had been at the place to simply get something to drink and leave. He had done nothing wrong; people were aloud to drink if they wanted to in my book, just not too much. Besides….I think he only had one…..

But it still scared me shitless that he had been there, that he had been right next to me when…

An image of two men, one behind and one on top while I sat on the stool, crying silently, moaning loudly, came into my mind. I shook my head desperately to get rid of that image, tears falling against my will. He had been sitting right there when it happened, my eyes catching his during the process of what the other men were, had, been doing to me. I remember the look of disgust that had flashed across his features. I also remember the burning sensation of shame that had filled me with that one look.

I felt a small sob force itself out of my throat. If he remembered me, remembered where he saw me, it would be over. The look of disgust flashed through my mind again, and I clutched at the blankets desperately, my body going cold. If he remembered me, would he…would he kick me out?

I could almost see it now, him telling me how disgusting I was, how-

Throwing the blankets off of me I sat up. I couldn't _do_ this. Running a shaky hand through my hair, I made up my mind. I was scared. The dancing shadows on the wall no longer seemed as comforting as they did a few moments ago; in fact, they were making me jump in fright every time they shifted. Rolling out of the large bed, I made my way across the room and towards the bedroom door. Twisting the cool metal doorknob, I slowly opened the door, shivering, and peeked my head out.

It was awfully dark out there.

Opening the door all the way, I slowly tip-toed out the door. I stood right out-side my door for a few moments, wrapping my arms around me. Was it me, or was it cold throughout the whole house? Walking slowly down the hall, I stared at the closed doors, sleeping people inside. I stared at the open doors, glimpses of a library, bathroom, study…

Hurrying past I quickly made my way towards the stairs. I would have gone to Riku, but I didn't know which room he was in. I didn't want to wake up any one because I was being…stupid…

I stopped, foot hovering over the first step downwards. I was being stupid….

I turned around, full intention to just go back into bed; I was being stupid after all. I was being stupid like usual. Looking up, all I saw was blue. Startled I jumped backwards, a cry escaping me as my feet didn't connect with ground, but air. I grabbed for the banister but missed and I realized that I had done something very stupid…like usual….

"Hey!"

Everything happened in a blur and the next thing I knew, I was leaning against someone, sitting in there lap, there arms around my waist in a death grip, my head turned inwards protectively. We both sat there, both breathing heavily. Realizing a few moments later that I was still on top of my, erm...hero...I quickly scrambled up, mumbling quick apologies, head bowed.

"What ever, what are you doing up?"

I looked up to see the still slightly panting form on the floor; he had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. I realized that he was the 'rude' one from earlier. His name, Tidus. For some odd reason, I got the strange vibe that he didn't like me very much. Turning away, I mumbled another small apology and headed back towards my room. There had been eight kids and teens that had been introduced to me earlier, they had all seemed nice, but for some reason, Tidus didn't like me…

"Hey! I asked you what you were doing!"

Stopping I slowly turned back around to the now standing sandy blonde teen.

"Uh, uh…I….I, uh, ummm." I fiddled nervously with the hem of the t-shirt that I was wearing. "H-hey, where exactly is the kitchen again? I-I was going to go get a-a drink of water…but I couldn't remember how to get there and…I'm so sorry for landing on you! I didn't mean to!"

The teen blinked rapidly.

I blushed and looked down. Laughter suddenly brought me looking up, and resulting in me jumping backwards again when all I saw was blue eyes. An arm quickly steadied me before I fell backwards and he just grinned. "You're a little jumpy, you know that?"

I blushed, and suddenly it was my turn to blink rapidly at him as I was guided down the steps and to the left. Just a few seconds ago I could have swore that he hated my guts (for reasons unknown), and now he was being…nice? When we entered the kitchen, he turned around and smiled. "The cups are in that cabinet over there." He said pointing to his right. "And we have bottled water in the fridge you can use."

I nodded my thanks and moved to take out a glass from the cabinet. I went on my tip-toes to reach the handle, but before I could reach it, I stopped. Spinning around, I tilted my head downward and frowned. "Hey…Tidus…?"

I felt blue eyes on me, so I continued. "Do you...o never mind…" I looked up and smiled before turning back to the cabinet and leaning upwards. Pulling out a glass cup, I closed the cabinet and headed towards the fridge. I was half way there when I felt a hand land on my arm.

I looked up questioningly. Tidus had a slightly worried look on his face. "Sora…I'm sorry for being so rude before, I just thought you were another one of those kids that Riku winds up tutoring, I absolutely hate them. All they want is to be around Riku, they know perfectly well what there doing. I didn't realize you were going to be living with us…"

I giggled. "You weren't rude; I thought you were kind of funny actually."

He blinked in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded. He smiled. "Can I ask you one more question Sora?"

"Yeah sure." I smiled walking the rest of the way to the fridge and opened it, pulling out the water that he had told me about. Pouring the glass, Tidus continued his question.

"Why are you here?" I froze.

"What?"

He fiddled nervously with his fingers. "Well, everyone that has come to live here…they have a reason. Most of them are orphans that had been living on the streets and Riku and Cloud decided to take them in and stuff…but I want to know why you're here. Are you an orphan, or is it because of something else?"

I finished pouring the glass and recapped the water. Slowly I opened the fridge, pushing the bottle back inside, and turned towards the kitchen exit, and walked past Tidus, not answering his question. If he knew, he would be just as disgusted as…just as disgusted with me as I was…Then he really would hate me, he would have a reason to.

He would tell, Cloud would know, I would be kicked out. After all, who wants to have some one like me living with them?

An arm grabbed me and spun me around and I violently tried to get out of his grip. "HEY! I **_asked_** you a que-"

"Apparently there's a reason for him not answering you Tidus." Suddenly Tidus let go, and I dropped to the ground. We both looked up to see none other then Riku standing in the door way to the kitchen. He leaned over and flicked on the lights before glaring over at Tidus. "Can I ask what you _think_ you were _doing_?"

"I-I'm sorry…"

"Get to bed; if Cloud finds you down here, you know you're so going to be dead right?" A panicked look flashed across Tidus' face and he quickly dashed out of the kitchen, thumping could be heard as he ran up the stairs. Riku leaned forward, "Are you okay Sora? Tidus can really be a hot head at times."

I stared at Riku and nodded, my mind blank. Riku's hair hung messily around his face, apparent that he had just rolled out of bed. He was wearing black pajama bottoms and a white muscle-T. I blushed as he offered me a hand up. Taking his hand I frowned, "It wasn't his fault, it was mine…"

"Oh stop, it wasn't you. I know you didn't come down here for a drink of water though." I blinked and he chuckled. He jerked his thumb backward and shook his head. "You left you're 'not-even-touched' glass of water on the counter over there." I blushed again. "So what's eating you?"

"I-it's nothing. I'm just being-"

"Stupid? How many times must I tell you that you're not being stupid? So you are going to tell me what's bothering you, and that's final."

Lowering my head, I stared at the checkered floor. "I was…" I paused, and suddenly it was all rushing out of me. "I was in the bedroom and I was thinking and, and, andthenIgotscaredandIwenttogofindyoubutIcouldn'trememberwhichroomyouwerein, andthenImetTidusbythestairsand…" I stopped as a finger was placed to my lip. I looked up at Riku, amusement showing in his aqua eyes.

"How 'bout in English this time?"

I blushed. "I, I got scared…and I wanted to go see you but…there are so _many **rooms**_!"

He chuckled. "You can sleep in my room if you want. I can understand you not being comfortable here, it's a large house."

I nodded. We both walked back up stairs and we went down the hall way, two doors down from mine, which was Riku's, and entered. Closing the door he plopped onto the bed and patted the space on his left. Walking over I lay down and he wrapped the covers around both of us. I smiled over at him, and he bonked me on the head lightly. "Now get to sleep."

I giggled and rolled over, facing the wall. "Yes sir!"

I stared at the wall, a small smile forming on my lips. There, on the wall, dancing shadows to watch me in my sleep.

* * *

**ShadowedDarkness:** Well, that's it. I hoped you liked this one, and I will try to update this quickly again. No promises, but I'll try!

Anywho's, thanks everyone who reviewed. And those who review again shall make me very happy. And think, not only would you be making me happy, but you would be making mister review button over there happy. You know why? Because it like's being clicked, so _click_ it! You will be making it happy…

((grin)) JA NE


	8. they dance, like his eyes

**ShadowedDarkness:** Yeah…this took me a long time to update on. Yeah, sorry about that. And I am most definitely sorry that this chapter isn't all that long. I have no excuses. Ummmmm, also sorry that this chapter might be rather boring, I apologize. But its just to set stuff up. Plus I'm going through major writers block….

I'm making excuses aren't I? XD

Aaaaaaaaanyways, because I don't want to die from a death of randomly chucked cyber fruit, you may now continue reading the story XD

* * *

**Confessions**

* * *

Blearily looking around me, I slowly rubbed my eyes. I was confused. Okay, well maybe confused was an understatement. Where the hell was I? 

Deciding that the previous question was bothersome, and it truly was too early in the morning to be thinking, I laid back down into the warm comforting blankets. Tugging at the blankets I growled, why was I not able to get them to go up above my shoulders?

Rolling over, I glared at the silver haired teen that happened to be hogging most of the blankets…

…

……

………

"**_ACK!_**" Jerking upwards, I struggled to pull myself out of the bed. Why was I here! Who was he! In one last desperate attempt, I threw myself sideways, only to be tangled in the sheets and falling off the bed with an audible 'thump'.

Laughter filled the room, and suddenly everything came back to me. That person over there happened to be Riku, I was in his room, and he was laughing at me…

Blushing I rolled over and sat up. Struggling with the sheets that were insisting on staying attached to my feet; I gave my best puppy dog eyes over at the still laughing teen. "A little _help_ if you don't mind." He just laughed harder, and with a huff I threw my hands into the air and decided to sit there (albeit uncomfortably) with my arms crossed, a scowl on my face (which once again looked as harmless as a …well you get the point), and wait for him to finish.

And finish he did…about ten minutes later.

Leaning over the bed, Riku made short work of the annoying sheets. "So…how was your up-close and personal meeting with the carpet?"

Standing up and brushing off my pajama pants I pouted. "Oh ha, ha."

He just smiled and got up from the bed. I watched as he slowly went around the room and picked out items he was going to wear for the day. Which reminded me, "Say Riku…?"

He laid a pair of jeans over a chair in the corner and went into his closet before giving a reply absently. "Hmm?" There was a shuffling of material before a small exclamation of 'Ah ha!' and Riku pulled out a dark blue hoodie.

"What am I going to wear today..?"

Plucking the jeans off the chair, he threw both the hoodie and the jeans at me. "For you." I blinked rapidly at what he handed me. And with that Riku was once again rummaging through his drawers.

Within minutes Riku was down to his boxers, and I was blushing to the tips of my ears and I quickly turned around. "Ummm, I-I'll meet you d-down st-stairs!"

Rushing out of the room and into my own, I shook my head. That had been, that had been embarrassing to say the least. Discarding the pajamas and quickly pulling on the clothes that had been handed to me (which still were too big for me, but at least they were smaller then what I had to wear yesterday and fit better), I made my way out of my room and down the stairs. Jumping the last two steps, I collided with a person at the bottom.

"Oie, you reaaally need to watch where you are going Sora…"

Scrambling off of the poor person I landed on, I found myself staring into blue eyes. It was Tidus. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't see you, I-I didn't mean too, it was an a-"

"You really are jumpy, you know that?" I looked away as he stood up and blushed. There was an awkward silence before Tidus decided to speak again, only this time he sounded a lot more serious then he did before. "Hey Sora…I'm sorry for last night. I-It wasn't my place to pry…"

I looked up confused. What was he talking abou- oh…

The memories of last night finally came back to me. I froze. Looking back down, I twiddled my fingers. "I-It's okay…" I wasn't used to people apologizing to me, it was odd…

After all, why should you apologize to nothing?

His face lit up at the acceptance of my apology. "Great! Anyway, let's go to breakfast, Cloud is a total awesome cook!" He grabbed my wrist and I was dragged into the kitchen. He was pushing me into a seat next to him and asking for eggs before I even knew what was happening.

And eggs we got, and I could _feel_ my eyes popping out of my head at the mountain of eggs that were suddenly pushed in front of me. Cloud stood over me, spatula in hand and a fluffy white apron on….

I giggled.

"Cloouuuuuuuuud, how come So-_ra_ got more eggs than _meeeeeee_?" Tidus pouted as he looked dejectedly at his plate, then sliding his eyes over to mine. Then quick as lightning, Tidus switched the plates.

"HEY! Those are my eggies!" Yes, I said eggies. And so began the tug-of-war over the plate of eggs. It was when giggles erupted around me that I stilled, my head jerking up from my concentration to find the pairs of eyes that stared back at me. "GAcK!" I let go of the plate just as Tidus began to pull on the eggs again.

"ARGH!" Tidus toppled to the floor, the eggs flinging into the air, only to land onto the head of an unsuspecting Riku who had just walked into the room and had been heading over to the table.

The kitchen stilled, all giggles subsiding at the look on the fuming teens face. "Tidus…"

"Uh-oh…"

"I'm giving you until the count of three…" Riku's eyebrow visibly twitched. "One…Two…."

"Ummmmmm, bye!" With that Tidus was off the floor and running out of the room as if the devil himself was chasing him. Which he wasn't.

"THREE!" Riku hollered, and suddenly he was gone, the eggs flying through the air, a loud crash in the other room signaling the chase, and an upturning of a table. _Now_ the devil himself was chasing him. A loud shout flew, from what sounded like upstairs…._damn_.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BACK RIKU! BACK I SAY! AGHHHHHHHH!" And then it fell silent…

No one moved in the kitchen, and suddenly everyone burst into laughter, including myself.

It was about a newly and freshly washed smug Riku, a bruised Tidus, and a couple of new plates of eggs (courtesy of Cloud) later, that everyone slowly began to get up from the table. I began helping Tidus clear the table.

A small cough alerted me to the red-head that stood next to me. She held out her hand and gave an encouraging smile. "Hi, I'm Kairi. Sorry we didn't really get to talk last night."

Shyly I took her hand, and found myself smiling along with her. She had a very pretty smile. She dragged me over to the other side of the table to face a, was that orange hair? It was curled up in the front and sticking up, a bandana held it back, and a smile adorned his face as he held out his hand. "I'm Wakka, nice to meet you, ya?"

Taking his hand I smiled, "Yeah, same here."

They both took up the remaining plates. "So," Kairi began. "What's your favorite color?"

"Mines orange ya." Wakka said, placing the dish into the sink.

"I wasn't asking _you,_ you dork." Kairi said, bonking Wakka over the head lightly.

I laughed. "It's blue…and red.…I think…." The last bit was said more to myself then to anyone else. I had never really thought about a favorite color before. In fact, I think this is the first time someone's ever asked me what mine was.

Blinking at the arm that was suddenly slung over my shoulder, I found myself staring into blue eyes. I jumped back. God, why does he always have to do that!

"Mines green."

Looking over at Riku, I smiled. "Hey Riku, what's you're favorite color?"

Riku looked up for a moment, pondering slightly. "I think my new favorite color is blue…" He smiled, and turned back to washing the dishes.

Suddenly, I found myself blushing.

"So Sora, you're going to be living with us right?" Kairi asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet and fiddling with a piece of auburn hair that had slipped out of the bun she wore.

I nodded.

"You bet he is." Cloud replied, re-entering the room (when the hell did he leave!) and untied the apron from around his waist and flung it in Wakka's direction. An exclamation of 'hey!' flew from his lips as the fluffy article hit him in the face. "He's starting school with you guys on Monday."

Tidus pumped his fist into the air. "SWEET!"

"What are you so happy about ya? We're talking about _school_ here."

Realization dawned on his face. "Noooooooooooooo! You can't let Sora go through the torture, it's cruel. You would willingly send poor naïve Sora to that prison! Better yet, you would willingly send poor little ol' me to it!"

"Yes."

"You are a cruel, cruel man."

"So I have been told countless times."

"And here I just thought it was an act, evil man…."

* * *

**ShadowedDarkness**: And this is where I am ending it here…DON'T KILL ME! I am currently going through maaaaaaaaajor writers block at the moment. God damnit, where are the plot bunnies when you need them! I mean, I know what I want to write, I just cant seem to get to that point X.x 

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

Oh well, leave those friendly presents (reviews! Cough cough) that I have talked about. You know how me and my buttony friend here can be greedy. Sooo, leave gifts yeah. I shall love you foreeeever! And hey, maybe they'll make my writer's block go away….


	9. dancing you to sleep, mesmorize

**ShadowedDarkness: **Omg….I'm updating. I figured, seeing as it's now officially the New Year (dance dance) I would post this up. And just so every one knows:** My resolution is to try to get a chapter out, not necessarily for this story, but a chapter out by at least Sunday of each week.** Try…Key word…seeing as my computer is completely spazzing (I have acquired a virus! Da nanana na na nana! XD) And I have yet to get rid of it (I'm trying XD) Aaaand this is the only time it hasn't shut off on me when I'm trying to update. Go figure. So….enjoy!

P.S: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!!!!

* * *

**Confessions**

* * *

It was only a few hours after the eggs incident that I found myself standing in awe on the beach, which conveniently happened to be only about a four blocks distance away from there house (cough mansion cough).

The sand looked warm; the sky was blue, the clouds looked incredibly soft as they floated by. Seagull's squawked and swarmed in the air and the land, palm trees to the far right swayed gently in the wind, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore filled my ears as the sun sparkled on top of the water. It was, it was beautiful.

And that had been a very corny description….

"You might wanna close your mouth ya. You might catch flies." Wakka joked, punching me playfully in the arm. He leaned back and put his arms behind his head. Kairi giggled, bouncing forward and kicking sand up in the process, and tugged on my arm slightly.

"You're acting like you've never seen a beach before."

Tidus laughed and shook his head. "Please, we live on an island. Of coarse he's seen a beach before."

Pulling away, I looked down, flushing in shame. It was kind of pitiful wasn't it? I've never seen a beach before, and I live on a freaking island. How sad is that?

Tidus' laughter stopped. "You…have seen a beach before…right?"

Biting my lip I shook my head softly 'no'. The closest I got to the beach was from inside a bar where one of the drunken men began to babble on about one…and then proceeded to drag me into the back room and fuck me senseless. Shivering slightly at the memory I wrapped my arms around myself and stared down at the sand. I was beginning to wonder what it would feel like between my toes.

"You are from the island, right Sora?"

Looking up at the red-head I laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah."

Kairi, Tidus, and Wakka all looked at me in shocked silence. I was mentally counting down how long it took for the out burst that was sure to follow. "Holy crap! What were you, locked up in a closet your whole life?!" Tidus cried, arms waving wildly in the air. I flinched at the choice of words.

"You were one sheltered child ya." Wakka joked, patting me none to lightly on the back, making me stumble forward.

I laughed nervously. "He, he, he, yeaaah…something like that…"

Kairi frowned, twirling a lock of auburn hair between slim fingers. "But seriously, you've…you've never seen a beach before? Your not just pulling our legs right?"

I suddenly felt sick from the conversation…

Ignoring the last question completely, I plopped down onto the sand, sliding my fingers through the millions of tiny grains. Warm….

I grinned, it was so warm. And suddenly I really wanted to see how it felt between my toes. Looking up at the questioning teens I smiled slightly, "It's warm."

Kairi just gave me a look, and suddenly I was enveloped in her arms. "You really haven't seen a beach before…" She squeezed me slightly. I could _feel_ myself blushing. Tidus sat down next to me, his expression the same as from last night. Questioning…burning…demanding answers…

…but this time he voiced nothing. He just glanced at me, before continuing to look out at the waves. "We could get closer if you like…" He shrugged, doing an odd gesture with his hands, vaguely pointing in the direction of the water.

Smiling I nodded. I would like that…

Kairi and Tidus stood, Kairi brushing off the back of her purple skort and Tidus offering me his hand. Clasping hands he tugged, which caused me to fly upwards and stumble into him. "I-I'm sorry!" I pushed back quickly.

The sandy blonde looked at me in surprise. "Holy- I think you're lighter then Kairi!"

I just smiled. "Or you're just stronger than you think. I'm not that light." Lighter than Kairi…has he looked at me?! Good Lord…

Tidus gave me another odd look.

"HEY! You guys comin' or what?!" Waka cried. He was waving his arms wildly, ankle deep in the water. "You gunna miss da fun, ya!"

"What he said!" Kairi called. She stood, just out of reach of the lapping waves, her sneakers dangling from her left hand.

Apparently somewhere in our little exchange both Kairi and Waka had run towards the water. Smiling over at Tidus, I ran a head. "I'm coming!" I laughed. I stopped just in front of Kairi, and squatted down. Running my fingers through the sand, I was surprised to find that it was cold. The red head squatted beside me, reaching towards the left, her hands cupping something and lifting it.

"Look." She held her hand out, a pink…thing…with a pearly sheen lay in her hands. "It's a sea shell."

Looking up at her smiling face in confusion, I frowned. "A what?"

Taking my hand, she placed it gently into my palm. "A sea shell." She smiled. And then she was standing, walking through the ankle deep water and laughing, heading towards Waka.

I moved from my squatting position and sat Indian style, watching as both Waka and Kairi went slightly deeper, splashing each other and laughing as they went.

I was very much aware of Tidus standing behind me.

It wasn't much later when we began to make our way back to the house. All of them had decided that they were hungry; all meaning Kairi, Tidus, and Waka. Last time I checked we had just eaten breakfast. How the hell were people hungry?

Of course, it was only after we got to the 'house' that I learned the time. Shockingly, it was two in the afternoon. No wonder every one was hungry. We had eaten breakfast at nine this morning. Usually people would be hungry at this time.

But honestly, the mere mention of food was making me sick at the moment…

…did I mention that I felt like each leg was shot full of lead…?

Riku was standing on the porch as we approached, giving me a knowing look. "Sora." It wasn't a question.

I just stopped walking. I don't think I _could_ move even if I _tried_. Blearily I rubbed my eyes. "I'm fine…"

He walked towards me. "You're not supposed to be pushing yourself so hard. Remember?" Kairi, Tidus, and Waka had all stopped at this point to see what was going on.

I swayed slightly on my feet. "I'm…not…"

Riku gently wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I sagged against him. "Right." He replied sarcastically.

I could feel my eyes closing…

Suddenly Tidus was standing before me and Riku, concern written clear across his face. "Are you all right?"

Trying my best to stand back upright (which failed horribly), I just smiled and nodded. "…just…tired…" And suddenly I was sagging against Riku again. Why did I feel so…drained…? My eyes fluttered shut against my will. "S-sorry…"

And with that, I was out.

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**ShadowedDarkness:** Every one wants to kill me….but don't worry….I still love all of you XD (inches away from angry mob). It took forever for this chapter to come out….and it's waaaaaaaay short. May I remind you all that I love you? (Grabs Riku and holds him in front to use as a shield) XD

**Riku:** Hey!

**ShadowedDarkness: **By the way, thank you all for all of your positively wonderful reviews. They inspire me (even though that inspiration seems to take longer than it should to kick in…he…he…he) And please, keep reviewing XD

I promise I'll write more chapters and post them quick…er...than now…..XD

Better yet. I'll give you pixie sticks! (holds out the sugary goodness of god) Review please! Jan ne!


	10. whispering trust me, trust me

**ShadowedDarkness: **Here is the much awaited next chapter! YAY YAY! Everyone be happy, celebrate, it didn't take me a year!

**Riku:** Well shit…it only took you two weeks.

**ShadowedDarkness: **(gushes) I KNOW!

**Sora: **I Guess I'm doing it, seeing as _somebody's _busy being proud of herself…well, heather owns positively nothing…so there's no point in suing…she doesn't even have pocket lint. Last time she tried to claim at least that, they yelled at her and ran away. So yeah…

* * *

**Confessions****

* * *

**

"_Ngh…" Oh god, those hands… "S-sto…please…"_

_Not again, not again. Stop, please stop!_

_Laughter… _

"_You're such… a good whore…Kitten….uhnnn, yes! Fuck, there! Oh, oh, suck me!"_

_It hurts so much…_

_Make it stop! "Daddy…please no! No-ah, nghhh!" _

_It hurt…_

_It hurt…_

My eyes snapped open, only to shut back closed. I groaned softly. My body felt like it was on fire, aching in places I, either one, didn't know about and, two, didn't know could ache. Eyes still clenched in slight pain, I lifted my hand and slid it across my face, gripping my head. That was some nightmare… "Ugh…when killer headaches attack…"

"Oh! You're awake!"

Startled, my eyes opened and frantically sought out where the voice came from. I was even more startled to see a shock of blonde hair and bright blue eyes rather close to my face. "AGH!" I sat up in surprise, my forehead connecting with the others, two cries of pain echoing throughout the room.

Clutching my forehead with both hands, there was a thump to my right.

"SHIT! Sora!" Looking over the side of the bed was the blonde, clutching his nose in obvious pain. He glared up at me. "What the hell was that for?!"

I flinched at the icy glare. "I-I'm s-sorry. I didn't m-mean-"

"Why are you always so jumpy?! Fucking shit…" The blonde mumbled, slowly letting go of his nose to prod at it gingerly. It was a bright red, and oddly struck me as very funny. Slowly it began to dawn on me, no I was not with a 'customer'…or anything related to that what so ever. I was in one of the many rooms of Riku's 'house', in one of the many oh-so-comfortable beds, and that was… Tidus… cursing on the floor.

I remember now…

The only question being…what happened? Hadn't I been at the…?

"Wha-?" Isn't it amazing how articulate I could be? Real smooth. Blue eyes locked on mine and Tidus slowly let go of his nose. I glanced around me, I wasn't in the room Riku gave me, in fact I think I'm in Riku's room. Looking back over at the blonde, I frowned. "What?"

That's when I noticed that his eyes were no longer trained on my own; rather, he was staring intently at my…wrists…

…oh crap…

Looking down, I bit my lip. I wasn't in the sweat-shirt that I had been in earlier. In fact, I was in a short sleeved t-shirt. Which meant…the bandages on my arm…were exposed…

And why the hell was I even in this room? Hadn't I been at the beach?!

My thoughts were very much interrupted by the hand that grabbed my wrist. I looked up into…rather angry blue eyes actually… "What's up with the bandages?"

I began to chew my lip nervously, quickly looking away. "W-where's Riku?"

"Sora, what's with the-"

Suddenly I was angry. Why did he feel the need to constantly pry?! Jerking my hand away from Tidus I glared. "I said, where's Riku?!" He almost seemed taken aback, the words he had been saying dying on his lips. I pulled my bandaged wrists to my body, hugging them to myself. Despair filled me, someone already saw. "W-where's R-riku?" My eyes stung.

"Sora…I-"

"Tidus?! What the hell are you doing in my room?!" I looked up to find the scowling face of Riku standing in the doorway, absolute anger written across his features. I was terrified. "I told you not to come in here!"

Tidus flinched and looked away. "I-"

"R-riku…" I couldn't help it. No more, no more yelling. I couldn't take the yelling any more. The tears fell unbidden from my eyes, a small sob escaping my lips. I just wanted it to stop; I've always wanted it to stop. Yelling, yelling, yelling….

I flinched when arms wrapped around me. I tensed.

"I'm sorry for yelling Sora." Riku said softly into my ear. My eyes traveled to Tidus who still sat on the floor near the bed. His eyes were wide, but there was still that accusing look from the beach. The look that demanded answers, burning…

"I-it's okay. I…Tidus…" I mumbled, confused. Why apologize to me, nothing? I…don't understand…

Tidus looked away at then mention of his name. "Do you want to tell him?" Riku whispered softly in to my ear so only I could hear. I shook my head. No.

If anybody…

No. Tidus couldn't know. Riku couldn't know…all of it…

No.

No one must ever know…

Riku spoke up, his voice somewhere above my head; his arms giving me a reassuring squeeze around my torso. "Tidus…please, leave."

The blonde nodded silently, standing and turning around. He slowly walked out of the room, throwing one last calculating look in my direction, before closing the door.

Riku slowly pulled away, spinning my body around to face him. "Are you alright?"

I shook my head, not trusting my voice. I was afraid that if I went to talk, I would begin to cry again, and I just stopped. No, I was not okay, it was not alright. Tidus was suspicious of me again. He was going to find out, he was going to-

"Hey, calm down. Tidus won't say anything. He was, he has his reasons for questioning you…but I promise he won't tell, he knows not to." Riku smiled reassuringly. I just wanted to curl up and die… I looked down at my hands. "Sora."

I just continued to twiddle with my fingers.

"Sora. You can trust us, especially Tidus…" Riku stood up with a sigh. "It's only nine, you can come downstairs and grab a bite to eat, but if you're not feeling up to it, you can stay here and I'll bring something up for you."

I looked up at my silver haired savior. "Could you…bring something u-up…?" I questioned softly. I almost expected to be back handed, the words of _'you actually thought we would do something for you? Laughable, hu Kitten? Stupid slut' _ran through my head. I could feel my body stiffen.

Riku just nodded, a sad look crossing his face. "Sure no problem." He headed out the door and as he opened it, Riku said something that made my skin crawl. "You can trust Tidus. After all, he understands more than any one the reasons on… cutting yourself." And with that he shut the door. His footsteps fading as he headed downstairs.

I just sat there. Slowly I lay down, forcefully closing my eyes.

"_Why are you here?" _

"_What?"_

"_Well, everyone that has come to live here…they have a reason…"_

No wonder Tidus pried…

I felt dizzy, and sick. I no longer felt the need to eat, not that I really felt the need to before, so I just focused on my breathing. Take deep breaths, inhale, three, two, one, exhale, three, two, one, inhale, three, two, one…

And welcomed the darkness that followed…

"_Well, everyone that has come to live here…they have a reason…"__

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_

**ShadowedDarkness: **Okay, so it was a week late, but at least it wasn't seven months later that I posted this, eh? Lolz. Anywho, please please please leave reviews! PLEASE!! I BEG THEEEEEEEE!

(cough cough) yeah…

**Shadow**


	11. with the chiming of the soul

**ShadowedDarkness: **Well, as we all can plainly see, my New Years revolution kind of….failed. XD I'm sorry. I honest to God still don't have a computer….after mine acquired over three hundred viruses that seemingly spawned from the one I told you guys that I had. When that problem had finally been resolved, I didn't even get to touch my computer before it blew up. Well the hard drive failed but it might as well have had smoke pouring out of every single crack in the keyboard. It mocked me, because I wasn't even the one who broke. My sister was. And do you wanna know how it happened? She turned it on… X . x

I was so sad…

Anyway, we finally have a laptop set up downstairs and I've been on it the past two days typing my little fingers away to get this out to you. I hope you enjoy it, dig in.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O

_A whisper of blonde hair, checkers, and… were those…blue eyes? "How often do you do this?"_

_Music…dancing…_

_Laughter…_

_Hands…_

_It hurts, it hurts…please make it stop…_

_Make me believe…_

_A held out hand…"I'll make you believe."_

Sitting upright I breathed in hard. I hadn't dreamed about him in so long…In fact, I don't even remember his name. I just remember that he gave me the first feeling of being…useful in my entire life.

I felt a pang in my heart when I remembered how he had never come back again after that one night, but even still he had been my anchor for at least a year. At least a year…and then I had given up…

Sitting up, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand only to come crashing down onto the floor. I was swearing viciously in my head when my door swung open with a bang. Startled, I looked up to see a concerned silver-haired teen with a blonde glancing curiously over his shoulder and into the room.

Blushing I tried again only to fail miserably. Sitting awkwardly on the floor, defeated, I pouted up at Riku and Tidus. "Stop laughing at me Riku and heeeeeeeelp."

A grin slowly flowered on Tidus' face while Riku just laughed out right. "And here I was concerned about you." Riku teased while walking over to my spot on the floor.

He leaned over, and clasping his outstretched hand, he pulled me up. Hissing in pain, I felt my knees buckling. Riku gripped my arm with his other hand out of reflex and I felt the other pair of hands clutching at my shirt to keep me upright. I grinned weakly at the blonde. "Haha...nice catch…"

I winced as both of them helped lower me unto the bed I had just so gracefully gotten out of.

Riku frowned. "Sora, lift your shirt and let Tidus look at you. I don't think you can go to school today and I need to explain to Cloud exactly why."

I froze. "What?" My mouth hardly moved when I said that, and was so low that he had to lean in and hear me. Paralyzed I stared at Tidus like a dear in headlights. I had to…show him? Why couldn't he go and tell Cloud? Why couldn't Riku see what was wrong?

Sighing and throwing one hand carelessly through silver-hair he responded in a way I didn't want to hear. "I know how much you really would prefer not to do this, but Cloud has to go to work during the day, and I really can't afford to not go to school today to watch you because of how often I was absent when I went to visit you in the hospital. Tidus is going to have to do it because he's the only one here with perfect attendance and isn't behind in his work."

My lip trembled as I suppressed the urge to cry.

Noticing this, Riku leaned in to hug me and whispered softly in my ear. "Just because he sees doesn't mean you have to tell him. And just because I can't stay home today doesn't mean I care for you any less."

I nodded mutely as Tidus stared incredulously at my silver-haired teen. Did I just think my?

"Wait…before you didn't want me to go near him and now you're placing him in my care?"

"Precisely," and with that Riku turned. "I'll be home right after school, and Tidus? Don't ask questions. Got it?"

Tidus started nodding before he realized that Riku couldn't see him and responded with a 'yes'.

Waving a last good bye over his shoulder, Riku left and closed the door. We both just sat there listening to the noises coming from downstairs telling the tale tell story of people getting ready to leave the house. After the fifth time the door downstairs slammed shut, the house was completely still.

I was shaking slightly when Tidus tried to start a conversation. "Soooo, yeah…"

Fiddling with the hem of my sleeve, I sighed. Might as well get this over with right? "Y-…y-you won't ask questions…r-right?" I asked timidly. I wasn't going to do anything if he said otherwise. I don't care if Riku got mad at me later…

…well I would…but I would deal with that if it came to…that?

There was a long pause that seemed to stretch eternity itself. Sighing he finally consented. "I promise."

Slowly I pulled the t-shirt over my head, exposing my severely bandaged torso. A sharp intake of breath told me that the blonde was in slight disbelief at the sight before him, and was sucking back in the questions that so desperately wanted to pour from his lips. But as he promised, he stayed silent. His hands slowly lifted to place themselves on top of the bandages, and hissing, I recoiled.

Shaking his head, he slowly brought himself out of whatever it was that he was in. Inspecting my bandages he gently prodded here and there to see what reaction it as he received. Finally he came upon a decision. "We have to change them. How long have they been on for? And how long are you supposed to wait before changing them?" He questioned, all the while slowly stripping me of the once-white-now-pink wrappings. I noted how skilled he seamed in what he was doing, and the words of Riku came back to me from last night. Right…

…he used to be a cutter…

Frowning I thought back on the doctors words. "Well, they've only been on since for, maybe, about three days? If I'm remembering correctly I was only supposed to change them every five days unless it seemed as if my cuts were…re-opening…" I let that hang in the air and looked over at the neat pile of semi tinted pink rags beside me.

A raised eyebrow. "Right, so you haven't been checking or paying attention at all?" He almost laughed at me until he looked down. "What the hell…?"

Glancing for only a moment down at my exposed chest, I shrugged. Sure, it was a gruesome sight. Cuts spanned across my upper torso in a cross-hatch type pattern, bruises adding different coloring and shades to my skin that weren't natural, and one particularly angry looking set of gashes that formed the word _kitten_. Had never been particularly fond of that nickname, even less so after the ordeal that I had been through. Now think, this was only the upper portion of my body, excluding my stomach and the six scars I had on my face, three on each cheek.

"And they let you out of the hospital with this?!" Came the angry cry from the…was that concern he saw in those startling blue eyes?...blonde. Suddenly he was up and rushing into the hallway, the door swinging in his wake. There were a few sounding crashes from a nearby room before he reappeared with disinfectant, a wash rag, a bucket of water, and a giant role of gauze. Grumbling he slowly began to wipe at my cuts with the warm water. "Gods, they wouldn't let me out of the hospital for three minor cuts and here _you_ are looking like you just came back from a war and they let you out!"

Biting my lip I shook my head. "I wanted to be let out. Besides, I looked a lot worse when I first entered the hospital then I do now…"

He looked up in horror, and with that, I clamped my mouth shut and looked the other way. From then on he worked in silence and I sat in silence until he was done.

He handed me back my shirt when he finished. "You need to take it easy, which is probably why you needed to change the bandages sooner than you had been told. Meaning you shouldn't be jumping down, falling down, any form of steps, or me." He teased. "As well as the next time we go to the beach or something along the lines of general fun, don't run around."

I couldn't help but laugh at the stern way he had said all this or at the amazingly serious expression on Tidus' face. It was just too funny. "Did you know that you look and sound just like my doctor?"

Blushing, Tidus ducked his head. "Shut up."

I went to stand when the blonde suddenly turned serious again and firmly pushed me back down. "I wasn't joking. For now you seriously need to sit still."

Glaring up at the blonde, I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly, albeit not moving from where he had told me to stay. "Yes _Doctor_."

He shook his head before gesturing at my beat up form vaguely. "So…is this why you basically fainted yesterday after the beach?"

Feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, I nodded.

Deciding we needed a change of subject, I said whatever came to the top of my head first. "Um, so…I was supposed to go to school today? What's it like?"

The blonde looked stupefied. "Never went to school…? Oh whatever," Shrugging he plunged into a rather long explanation on the topic of school. How many periods there were in a day, what a period was, the subjects they learned, how you had a choice of electives (free-b classes as he so put it), gym and the game of pure evil that was also known as dodge ball (mind you he claimed to be exceptionally good at it). I found myself listening intently and wishing that I had been able to go today. I especially liked the description of art class.

But, mostly, Tidus talked about after school sports. Mainly something called blitz-ball. I didn't quite understand half the things he said about the game, its rules, tactics, and what not, but it did sound interesting. And the way he talked about it with such passion just had me hanging onto every word.

"…but the best part about school is generally being able to hang out with your friends." A small smile lit up the blondes face. "My best friends are Wakka and Selphie, but some other really close ones are Hayner and Olette. You met them the other day when you first arrived here. They mainly hang around this guy named Roxas, he's a…"

That name stuck something inside of me, and the chord kept ringing. I no longer heard what Tidus was saying, but an image of…

_A whisper of blonde hair, checkers, and… were those…blue eyes? "How often do you do this?"_

_Music…dancing…_

_Laughter…_

_Hands…_

_It hurts, it hurts…please make it stop…_

_Make me believe…_

_A held out hand…"I'll make you believe."_

…filled my mind.

The rest of the day went by fast after that, what with me suddenly off in my own little world. Tidus expressed his concern and Riku had told him that maybe I was just feeling tired. It passed by in a blur, and I found myself falling asleep with that image on replay in my mind.

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**ShadowedDarkness: **This isn't exactly incredibly long, but I figured I should throw this out there. Anyway, I finally introduced Roxas into the story. ((Grin Grin)) Who can't wait for school? Well, not in real life obviously, but you know…

Also, I would like to express my deep gratitude for those reviewers who have basically been keeping up with reading this story for so long. I can't believe that I'm only on chapter like…11…and I've been posting this story since I was twelve, and now I'm sixteen…. XD

So there has been a few changes made in the plot that I've fixed over the years. Anyway, much love, and PLEASE review.

Thanks,

**Shadows**


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